Every time I check my e-mail and see that I have one unread, my heart skips a beat. And when it's not from Cambodia, I get a little disappointed. I can't do things in my time.
I need to not make choices I will regret and hurt the people I love because of them.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The Fortnight That Changed My Life
I've seen a glimpse of one of my dreams come true. A dream come true. Not just something awesome or mind-blowing happening, but something that I've been praying and thinking about for years. Let's take it from the top.
Three years ago, my mom dragged the family to some "information about Cambodia" thing on a Sunday afternoon. I knew she was hyped about it and there was free food... plus I didn't have a choice, so off I went. This "information" meeting drew me into what I consider one of the most pivotal events of my life. There was an opportunity to spend two weeks in Cambodia with the group of strangers I met that afternoon, and I felt the inexplicable yearning to go. I didn't even know where Cambodia was. But I knew I wanted to go. We would build a playground for the kids at one of the orphanages that Foursquare and Warm Blankets established, and if that fell through (which did), then we'd do anything else that needed to be done.
Fast forward to the first night we stayed in Pai Lin, the rural city where we stayed in a local hotel and served the orphanage in the area. I unexpectedly woke up and could not go back to sleep. I had half a mind that God had something to say, so I went out on the balcony of the hotel and was quiet. I became overwhelmed with the realization of His grace. My God, the creator of the entire universe, chose each one of the children we get to play with this week. He designed each of them FOR HIS DELIGHT. Poverty and prostitution litter the streets of southeast Asia. People all around the world struggle to live one day to the next burdened with hurt and brokenness and whose lives are untouched by love. My Lord chose each one of these children to mirror Him to the world they were born into by simply planting love in their hearts. That night, my heart broke in so many ways. Like God does when He breaks our hearts, if we let Him, He pieces them back together in His fashion with His passions and desires for us. He created in me a passion for people.
Ever since that night, I have had a burden on my heart for the people of Cambodia. In recent weeks, I have had a draw toward the people of Cambodia. The human part of me sometimes gets wild over and idea, gets side tracked, and moves to the next idea. For 3 years that wildness hasn't gone away- it has intensified. I came home from work one day and asked my parents what they thought about my pursuing the possibility of going to Cambodia, and after getting a green light, I was fully confident about pursuing it further. I sent an e-mail to the gentleman who, with his wife, began the ministry in Cambodia that I served with three years ago. After a month of silence, I got a reply early one morning and I could not stop dancing and giggling. Not because anything was now solid, but because I am being taken seriously and they are interested. Because I have a shot. Because, just maybe, God is opening the door for me to be somewhere and do something that I ache to do.
I might go, I might not. It may take quite a while to prepare, I might leave the minute my debts are paid off. I don't know. If I go, it would be for two years, and I am so ready for that. The more I talk to people, the more I realize how absurd it sounds to be heart-skippingly excited to live in Southeast Asia, away from family and comforts for two years. But I am. And I know there is no way that it is just me psyching myself up for an adventure. It is the seed that was planted 3 years ago on that balcony in the red dirt covered city of Pai Lin. It's starting to bloom.
Three years ago, my mom dragged the family to some "information about Cambodia" thing on a Sunday afternoon. I knew she was hyped about it and there was free food... plus I didn't have a choice, so off I went. This "information" meeting drew me into what I consider one of the most pivotal events of my life. There was an opportunity to spend two weeks in Cambodia with the group of strangers I met that afternoon, and I felt the inexplicable yearning to go. I didn't even know where Cambodia was. But I knew I wanted to go. We would build a playground for the kids at one of the orphanages that Foursquare and Warm Blankets established, and if that fell through (which did), then we'd do anything else that needed to be done.
Fast forward to the first night we stayed in Pai Lin, the rural city where we stayed in a local hotel and served the orphanage in the area. I unexpectedly woke up and could not go back to sleep. I had half a mind that God had something to say, so I went out on the balcony of the hotel and was quiet. I became overwhelmed with the realization of His grace. My God, the creator of the entire universe, chose each one of the children we get to play with this week. He designed each of them FOR HIS DELIGHT. Poverty and prostitution litter the streets of southeast Asia. People all around the world struggle to live one day to the next burdened with hurt and brokenness and whose lives are untouched by love. My Lord chose each one of these children to mirror Him to the world they were born into by simply planting love in their hearts. That night, my heart broke in so many ways. Like God does when He breaks our hearts, if we let Him, He pieces them back together in His fashion with His passions and desires for us. He created in me a passion for people.
Ever since that night, I have had a burden on my heart for the people of Cambodia. In recent weeks, I have had a draw toward the people of Cambodia. The human part of me sometimes gets wild over and idea, gets side tracked, and moves to the next idea. For 3 years that wildness hasn't gone away- it has intensified. I came home from work one day and asked my parents what they thought about my pursuing the possibility of going to Cambodia, and after getting a green light, I was fully confident about pursuing it further. I sent an e-mail to the gentleman who, with his wife, began the ministry in Cambodia that I served with three years ago. After a month of silence, I got a reply early one morning and I could not stop dancing and giggling. Not because anything was now solid, but because I am being taken seriously and they are interested. Because I have a shot. Because, just maybe, God is opening the door for me to be somewhere and do something that I ache to do.
I might go, I might not. It may take quite a while to prepare, I might leave the minute my debts are paid off. I don't know. If I go, it would be for two years, and I am so ready for that. The more I talk to people, the more I realize how absurd it sounds to be heart-skippingly excited to live in Southeast Asia, away from family and comforts for two years. But I am. And I know there is no way that it is just me psyching myself up for an adventure. It is the seed that was planted 3 years ago on that balcony in the red dirt covered city of Pai Lin. It's starting to bloom.
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